Vaseline

I want tough skin, but I don’t want to have to do anything to get it. Like..activity. So I try a bottle of Vaseline MEN body and face lotion . “Fortifies”, “build healthy skin resilience”, “more efficient”- whatever. Getting it home, I squirt a little out. Wife liked the smell, but I found something oddly familiar about. Sticky. Strange. Couldn’t quite place it.

Something from long ago..

from childhood..

..Kindergarten?

Holy shit! It smells just like Elmer’s paste glue.

Yes, the same crap your kindergarten teacher would hand-out by the gallon-full for all the smart kids to make construction-paper sunflowers out of and for the stupid kids to have for lunch. Elmer’s glue. And, this lotion is almost as sticky. If this lotion is glue-based, I’m impressed by the brain-storming session in that Vaseline Corporate office somewhere that created the idea: glue=tough. But if it were true, 5 year-olds would be the toughest things on the planet. Well, they are surprisingly tough, but not tough enough to weld with. Not sure if they thought this one through.

Does ‘Vaseline Men’ have glue in it? Surprisingly, you’ll find more ingredient info on the back of that expensive hand lotion than you will on Elmer’s glue. Google searches, forums, nothing out there about the makeup of paste glue.

I’m not worried. I still use the stuff (too expensive to just pitch). But, I’d still love to know if there’s a connection between Vaseline and Elmer’s.