December 2007


Did you ever fart so long, you started whistling calypso music afterward?


…Professor Elms paces in his practice room. It may be nothing more than a messy, book-filled corner of the living room next to the foyer, but it does contain a baby-grand piano, and that’s enough. A 10 yr old girl massacres chopsticks on the worn piano.

“Take your time. Concentrate.” He winces in pain.

She continues, unabated by the horrible sound. An egg-timer in the corner dings with glee. Mr Elms runs to the door, flinging it open with a wide smile.

“Well Samantha, looks like times-up!”

The girl jumps in surprise, her fingers still on the keys. “I’ve really been trying. Did it sound better this time?”

“Oh…Yes! It’s an improvement over the last..12.. times.” He chokes on the words. “But don’t worry, I’ll just burn the piano when you’re done.” For a moment, she stops struggling with her jacket to look back at him, but he shoves her out the door…


…I don’t do it because I’m mean or sadistic.

…though, I’m sure it’s a factor…

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