Early this year, Ohio Senate Bill 16, as it’s now called, set strict prohibitions against strip club operations and the activity of dancers. The bill set distance rules between strippers and patrons, among other regulations, and would have doomed the entire lap-dance industry. It is set to become law in September (http://lsc.state.oh.us/coderev/sen127.nsf/Senate+Bill+Number/0016?OpenDocument).
This law was written by the same sexually repressed (but unusually well-connected) people that tried to force a gay marriage ban in Ohio, and sued to stop pay-per-view porn in American hotels. The lobbying group, Citizens for Community Values (CCV) once again is trying to protect us from ourselves (http://www.ccv.org/). I, of course, appreciate any attempt to save me from myself. This time, their focus is the ravages of strippers and their blight. So, I decided to do what any patriotic American would do, and investigated this Evil American Institution that apparently must be brought-down at all costs. The CCV? No! Strip Clubs.
The hypnotic glow wafting from the liquor bottles behind the bar belie the truth that alcohol is not what we’ve come to buy. We’ve come to free ourselves of a lot of cash for the opportunity to talk to and openly gawk at pretty women. While sitting at the bar, a nice-looking blonde sits down next to me, and a conversation slowly begins. After a few songs of small talk, I ask her if she’s tried the new beer for sale. “It’s really good, if you like Corona, but it’s nothing like Corona. Actually, I don’t drink it. Gives me indigestion” she says.
Maybe it was just me, and that fact that I out past my bedtime. Perched among the fake candles and bottle stains, I don’t feel titillated, excited, whatever. I feel like a wet tee-shirt forgotten in the bathroom since last Tuesday. Maybe it was because the only interesting thing to catch my eye was the Indians score flickering on the ubiquitous big screen TV beside the bar. I sit for an hour and watch as the blonde tries to squeeze some bit of excitement from the 3 lonely guys at the stage. The feel in the room is almost depressing. But soon, more girls begin to walk around, the regulars arrive, the music gets turned-up, and the night begins. I take a swig of my beer and get to work.
Of the places I visited, I found surprising little knowledge among the workers there. One said her name was Jade, though she wasn’t Asian at all. I don’t think that had crossed her mind, though. She mentioned she was concerned about the law and didn’t know exactly when it would take effect. But, she assumed someone was being taking of (I gather by someone she thought was secretly fighting for her rights). One girl in Cleveland had heard about the law, but didn’t think it would affect them. Another didn’t even know what it was about.
The blonde with certain digestive difficulties told me something interesting. She’d heard that the bill was changed to it no longer meant anything. This got my attention. Had our salvation from these evil women been watered down as much as my Canadian Club? Was all my hard work in vain? Impossible! After further research, I found that, against the CCV’s demands, the law was amended in May to shrink its prohibitions. Even with this, the law still remains potent, and still set to go into effect in September.
On my last pre-law excursion into decrepitude, I met another girl had been who working a club outside Toledo for 2 years. She admitted she was genuinely concerned, and wanted to talk about what was happening. For the first time I’d met someone who was not only worried but also slightly knowledgeable about the situation. We discussed ‘Citizens for Community Standards’, the lobbying group created by strip-club owners to combat the CCV. They were collecting signatures to force the issue to go to public vote. “First they had enough signatures, then not, and now we haven’t heard anything for weeks! Have you?” she asked. Just as we were talking, Citizens for Community Standards was busy announcing that they had enough signatures to force issue to go to public vote
(http://www.cleveland.com/plaindealer/stories/index.ssf?/base/news/11870826358310.xml&coll=2). If confirmed, this should delay the implementation of Ohio SB16. I say “delay” because a public vote in Ohio actually means very little today, as the nation found out a few years ago. Was that too harsh?
You may have guessed that I no longer have faith in the population of a state that elected Bush president. I’ve always assumed Ohio’s inability to select competent leadership (this pattern goes back a lot farther than President Bush and Governor Taft) comes from the apathy and stupidity ingrained in us by our failed public school system. When issues like this crop-up, I’m always reminded of a high school geometry teacher in my hometown that could only teach by screaming, and screamed louder if any questions were asked. She’d been there for 20 years. Just because you can ask the Ohioans to decide an issue, doesn’t mean Ohioans will do the right thing.
After untold miles and dollar bills, what have I learned?
1. Strip clubs take credit cards.
2. Always leave credit cards at home
3. Strip club dancers are not evil dregs of society. They’re our sisters and daughters. They’re just normal girls who are comfortable with their own bodies, as foreign as that may sound. Or, at least comfortable enough to take a job worse than yours. Much worse.
It’s true that some strip clubs do have problems with prostitution, violence, and drugs. But, just as much some newspapers. Some of these young women do have problems, but most do not. How a many problems a place has is due to how it’s managed, not its public personae. This is true of every business, not just one. And, by the way, most of these places are located in some pretty great places: There’s no “blight” here. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not going to defend stripping as an industry. It preys on the loneliness or ineptness of men by putting women in situations they would rather avoid like the plague. And, by the way, the view of these places as high-end business-meeting magnets, or even ultimate party hangouts, is pure bunk. What I witnessed was nothing more than rooms of single guys milling-around, trying not to notice each other. No drug-dealing, no wild parties. No brawls or prostitution. What you do have are over-priced drinks and a little self-deceiving silliness. Yes, he is staring at your chest, and No, she doesn’t really like you. Does this mean it should be prohibited? Both the men and women know exactly what they’re getting; there are no deceptions or illegalities here. It may be weird, but not detrimental.
And what will happen to SB16? A Prediction? Sure, why not. If the “CCS” actually has the signatures to pull this off, which would be surprising, we should expect a good month of well-funded, pre-election noise in the media from both sides. I say surprising because, well, if strippers or strip-club owners were actually that good at math, they probably wouldn’t be in the business. Through good-old reliable Ohioan apathy, I think SB16 will eventually become law. I see more amendments ahead, though. What we’ll have will be a toothless document so convoluted that whatever mandates are left will be unenforceable. The CCV will get to feel self-righteous again, Politicians will get airtime to pound their chests, Ohioans will get another chance to complain and do nothing, and the girls of Ohio’s strip clubs won’t notice any changes at all. The CCS will quickly fade in to history, over fears it may evolve into some kind of stripper labor union.
If you’re an Ohioan reading this, and are screaming unpleasntries at the screen right now regarding my opinion of you, keep this in mind. At least I signed a petition today. What did you do?
